Boykilrer debut

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Boykilrer drpos the mic and walks to the backstage.




(I will continue...)

https://www.youtube.com/v/baYp-Wpb_1w
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Blackwing walks out and stand at the top of the ramp. He seems displeased by something.
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Edward: OK. I think the boss is an bad mood and we all know what got him there.
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Blackwing: So ... let me get this straight ... you just got signed like yesterday and you decide that you can just come out on your first night and demand a chance at a title. Well you got stones I'll give you that. But I can't tell if you have what it takes to be a Champion. You wanted a match - I'll give you a match. If you are so eager to get a shot at the New Blood title you will face the last man that had a chance to win it and failed - _SheaMuS_.
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Blackwing turns around and leaves.
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_SheaMuS_'s music starts

SheaMuS enters the ring and grabes a microphone

SheaMuS: Look's like you have the initiative to fight me,but nobody and i mean nobody make's a reputation on my name kid,do you understand that?

OK good. still something to be desired in way of formatting but other than that not bad ... I'll edit my RP to fit yours better


EDIT: done

so this is my debut rp... i think that its not bad...

And this is the finished RP complete with proper formatting. I suggest you both take a look and see what I changed so I don't have to re-format your RPs in the future.

The music starts playing and a video appears at the titantron... and a young kid come to the ring and asks for a mic...
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The crowd boos
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Edward: Who is this young kid??
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Chris: I dont know, but lets hear what he has to say...
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boykilrer: My name is Boykiler, i am new here at Darkness Wrestling, but now that i arrived Darkness Wrestling will never be the same... I will beat everyone that steps in my way...
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Edward: This young kid thinks that he´s the best, but he has to prove that in the ring...
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Chris: Yeah thats right, talking doesnt mean anything...
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boykilrer: I wanna challenge anyone in the locker room to come down and face me... And then i will prove that i am the best ever...
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Chris: Well thats what a young superstar need... a fight to prove what he is made of...
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Edward: Lets see who accepts this challenge...
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And Boykilrer waits in the ring...
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boykilrer: Anyone has guts to face me?? Well if anyone come to face me, i want to be in the New Blood title Path... And the i will prove that i am the best...
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Crowd starts to saying what
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boykilrer: You all dont understand me, i am new here and i wanna prove my talent, winning the New blood title...
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What!!?
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boykilrer: I just wanna ask GM if he could give me an opportunity at the title...
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https://www.youtube.com/v/baYp-Wpb_1w
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Blackwing walks out and stand at the top of the ramp. He seems displeased by something.
.
Edward: OK. I think the boss is an bad mood and we all know what got him there.
.
Blackwing: So ... let me get this straight ... you just got signed like yesterday and you decide that you can just come out on your first night and demand a chance at a title. Well you got stones I'll give you that. But I can't tell if you have what it takes to be a Champion. You wanted a match - I'll give you a match. If you are so eager to get a shot at the New Blood title you will face the last man that had a chance to win it and failed - _SheaMuS_.
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Blackwing turns around and leaves.
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Boykilrer comes down the ramp, again.
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Boykilrer:Well, that means a challenge. i will win it, and i will prove that i deserve a title shot. _SheaMuS_ come down and fight me, i wanna end this quick.
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Boykilrer drops and wait in the ring.
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_SheaMuS_'s music starts

SheaMuS enters the ring and grabes a microphone
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SheaMuS: Look's like you have the initiative to fight me,but nobody and i mean nobody make's a reputation on my name kid,do you understand that?
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Boykilrer: Let´s see... you´re stronger than me, but i am smarter than you.
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and in the event that you can't be bothered to notice the changes or are simply not looking hard enough :
1. in speech ONLY the names are in bold
2. activities are in italic. not enclosed in * or something else you feel like
3. between activity and speech there should always be a dot(.) unless you are inserting the activity inside a block of speech in which case you should make sure there are spaces between the speech and the activity
4. Boykilrer, you had some of your speech broken up into separate lines with a separator (.) between them .... if you want to create the impression of a pause either write it up as inserted activity or use (.....)

i forgot to put my entrance song

I'll add it in the finished RP in the editor ... no point in editing the topic further

nope...

Good Rp

well. its the first one. the others will be better for sure.

The music starts playing and a video appears at the titantron... and a young kid come to the ring and asks for a mic...
.

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The crowd boos
.
Edward: Who is this young kid??
.
Chris: I dont know, but lets hear what he has to say...
.
boykilrer: My name is Boykiler, i am new here at Darkness Wrestling, but now that i arrived Darkness Wrestling will never be the same. I will beat everyone that steps in my way.
.
Edward: This young kid thinks that he´s the best, but he has to prove that in the ring...
.
Chris: Yeah thats right, talking doesnt mean anything...
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boykilrer: The Gm knows that i am one of the better, because he put me in the New Blood tournament.
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Chris: What??
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Edward: Well the GM knows why he put him after the New Blood title.
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boykilrer: I dont know who i am going to fight but i know that i will beat him.
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Crowd starts to saying what
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boykilrer: You all dont understand me, i am new here and i wanna prove my talent, winning the New blood title.
.
What!!?
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boykilrer: I just wanna ask GM who is my opponent.
.

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Blackwing walks out and stand at the top of the ramp. He seems displeased by something.
.
Edward: OK. I think the boss is an bad mood and we all know what got him there.
.
Blackwing: So ... let me get this straight ... you just got signed like yesterday and you decide that you can just come out on your first night and tell everyone that you´re the best without prove that. Well you got stones I'll tell who´s your opponent. But I can't tell if you have what it takes to be a Champion. If you are so eager to get a shot at the New Blood title you will have to beat the last man that had a chance to win it and failed - _SheaMuS_.
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Blackwing turns around and leaves.
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Boykilrer comes down the ramp, again.
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Boykilrer:Well, that easy. i will win it, and i will prove that i deserve the title. _SheaMuS_ come down and fight me, i wanna end this quick.
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Boykilrer drops and wait in the ring.
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_SheaMuS_'s music starts

SheaMuS enters the ring and grabes a microphone
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SheaMuS: Look's like you have the initiative to fight me,but nobody and i mean nobody make's a reputation on my name kid,do you understand that?
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Boykilrer: Let´s see... you´re stronger than me, but i am smarter than you.
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EDIT(Blackwing): this is the final version of the RP.... I'll be using this in the show...

(This rp is for after the match)

Camilleri comes from the crowd and attacks Boykilrer with a chair.
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Edward: Why did he done this??
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Chris: I don´t know. This young kid just debuted today.
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Camilleri lefts the ring and go backstage with a smile, when Boykilrer gets help from the paramedics to get out of the ring.
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(Blackwing you could appear next and announce a match for the following show/week what you think?)

It's probably better if I have some sort of short RP next week saying I'm making the match because of this situation. There is plenty of RP for this show - let's leave some for next week.

EDIT: also i just noticed this but I have to point it out. bad punctuation can be tolerated in chat and in discussion messages and such but is inexcusable in RPs... you need to be more careful with that. I'll fix it this time but don't make a habit of leaving it to me.